Virtual v. Real Relationships

I started meeting people in real life (IRL) that I'd met online before most of my friends ever did. Does that make me a pioneer? Maybe. All I know is that when everyone was still using AOL, I was still single, and every so often, I'd meet someone online that I wanted to get to know better IRL. We'd go out on a date or several, and then that would be it.

I was always - ALWAYS! - safe about it in the years I lived on my own, especially. They didn't pick me up at my own home until we'd been out more than once and I knew them a bit better. We'd meet in a public place. I'd make sure my friends knew what I was doing, just in case. My friends (many of them safely married to people they'd met the Old Fashioned Way) thought I was a bit crazy, but it all worked for me. And I actually got to meet a couple of really neat people this way.

Fast-forward to 2003, when I moved to the Northeast to live with my parents before I started seminary. I'd had a profile on an online dating site for a while, but it wasn't until I got to New Hampshire that I came up as a match for Steve. He emailed me, I responded, and within a few exchanges, we both had a really good feeling about each other.

I remember when he included his cell phone number in an email, it freaked me out. I was talking with my friend, Daniel, about it, and he encouraged me to call Steve. "What do you have to lose?" Daniel asked. He got me, with that question. So I called.

We talked for hours that first night. And then the next night. And then I gave him a special ringtone on my cell, which meant that every time he called, my mom would hear it and say (in That Tone of Voice), "Oooooh...there's Steve calling!"

[insert eye roll here]

When Steve and I went out on our first date, we Just Knew. We Just Knew, the way people Just Know in the movies. That was the beginning of our dating, which led to an engagement, and then a marriage - a marriage which just passed its ten year mark. But that first date wasn't the beginning of our relationship, for that had begun earlier.

Lately, I've been seeing lots of discussions around "virtual" v. "real" relationships, as if the relationships we can build with people online aren't real, or the relationships we have in person can't be virtual. But the more time I spend online, the more I realize that some of the relationships I have with people online are rich and full and deep.

There are some online that I communicate with daily. We share joys and sorrows, laughs and tears, prayers and venting. I am at a point with some of these people that I actually cannot refer to them as "virtual friends" because applying that term to them isn't only inauthentic, it's actually painful. They are real friends.

I'm meeting them IRL, one by one, and it's really wonderful. Sort of like with Steve, it often begins with a phone call, and I get really nervous. Then, I remember Daniel's advice of "what do I have to lose?" and so I take that plunge and we have that first conversation. Meeting an online friend IRL is even more nerve-wracking for me, but I've never regretted taking that step.

I remember being at our wedding reception, standing off to one side with Daniel. We were talking about that phone conversation, and he asked me, "Do you remember when I asked you what you had to lose?" He pointed to the room full of people who were there to celebrate with me and Steve, and he said, "This. This is what you would've lost."

This morning, I went to worship at a church pastored by an online, now-IRL friend. Before I got there, I was nervous as hell, thinking, "What am I doing, anyway?!" But then, I got to watch him preach, and not only listen to his podcast. I got to touch the plants in their butterfly garden, and see the gentle creatures flitting their way among the plants. And that is what I would've lost.

God Bless You!

A Epiphany 4 – February 2, 2014

Text: Matthew 5:1-12

Our Redeemer Lutheran Church, Grand Prairie, Texas

+ INJ +

May you be blessed with grace and peace from God our Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

Today’s gospel lesson brings us the beginning of a whole section of Jesus’ teachings. In the Gospel of Matthew, we call this collection “The Sermon on the Mount” because in verse 1, we’re told that “Jesus went up the mountain,” and then he begins to say all these things. By this point, Jesus is a sensation – he has begun his earthly ministry in earnest and has large crowds following him wherever he goes.

So, he climbs the mountain, sits down, and begins to teach. We’ll actually have four Sundays in total of his teachings from Matthew 5, and they begin today with a section called “The Beatitudes,” called this from the Latin word for “blessed.”

Blessed are the poor in spirit, Blessed are those who mourn, Blessed are the meek, Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, Blessed are the merciful, Blessed are the pure in heart, Blessed are the peacemakers, Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account – Jesus says.

Blessed. Blessed. Blessed. Jesus calls all of these people blessed, and we begin to see a picture that maybe blessedness has less to do with us simply being happy all the time, and more to do with the pure, unbounded love of God. Maybe blessing – in this case, anyway - is that we “are not and will not be alone,” that we are “accompanied wherever we go,” as one commentator said[1].

And the Beatitudes make it clear that we are blessed – we are accompanied – by God in all different kinds of circumstances, even those that are deeply painful or challenging. In pronouncing these blessings, Jesus is giving us assurance that when we mourn, God accompanies us. When we are merciful, God accompanies us. When we attempt to make peace, God accompanies us. And on, and on, and on…God’s presence goes on.

So, in thinking about this sermon, I began to think about times when I have been acutely aware of the blessing – or accompaniment - of God. I’ll share two here…

First example: I remember following my mother’s death – which was followed by my cousin’s death four months later – I would lie in bed at night, unable to sleep. It’s a terrible thing not to be able to sleep – and the grief made it worse. Over time, I became aware of the sensation of being prayed for by others in that same moment. It was as if I somehow had the assurance that God was waking other people up in the middle of the night to pray for me at that very moment. It was these prayers that carried me through my dark nights of the soul.

Second example: Happy Anniversary! It was two years yesterday since I began serving as the Pastor of Our Redeemer Lutheran Church in Grand Prairie, Texas. Over and over again, I have been aware of the blessing of God – through visits I’ve made to people’s homes and in conversations I’ve had with you in coffee shops, standing in the hallway, or sitting in my office. Through the hard work I’ve seen many of you do for VBS, for Christian Ed, for all manner of community events. In a few minutes, we’ll install our Council for this year – and let me tell you – I’ve definitely been aware of God accompanying me through our Church Council over the past year. And those are just a few examples.

And so now I turn the question over to you: where do you feel blessed by God? Where are you aware of the accompaniment of God?

Maybe the blessing is hard to see. If so, that’s OK – because the blessing of God depends on God, not on us. God’s blessing is there – not because we see it or are somehow able to conjure it up – God’s blessing is there because God loves us. God’s blessing follows God’s love.

So, in our culture today, what is one fairly common way that we remind each other of God’s blessing?

Saying “God bless you” when someone sneezes goes back a long time – in some cultures, it was seen as a way of warding off evil. Last week, I was in Galveston attending a conference with about 350 pastors from all over the state. At one point, I was in a meeting with a group of them and someone sneezed. We were all so engrossed in what we were doing that no one seemed to notice, until the person’s friend muttered under his breath, “Geez, a room full of pastors and no one says, ‘God bless you?’”

Today, we’re going to reclaim the “God bless you.” As a reminder of the blessing of God, I’d like us to try something later, when we exchange the Peace. When we are exchanging the Peace later, instead of simply saying “The peace of the Lord” or “Peace” or whatever you say – say this, instead: “God bless you.” It’s not just something we say after someone sneezes – it’s a holy reminder of the blessing of God that falls upon each of us.

May God bless you.

+ SDG +

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[1] David Lose, Dear Working Preacher. http://www.workingpreacher.org/craft.aspx?post=3020