When Do We See Jesus In Our Midst?

The Rev. Kathi Johnson

A Lectionary 23 – 10 September 2017

Text: Matthew 18:15-20

Our Redeemer Lutheran Church, Grand Prairie, Texas

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Jesus said to those who were following him:

If someone in your community sins against you, don’t blab about it to everyone around you. Go and talk with that person directly. If the person listens to your concerns - great. Your relationship with them is reconciled.

But if the person ignores you, do this: take a couple of people with you the next time you go to them, that way you’ll have others who can see and hear the conversation. Maybe the person will continue to ignore you. If that happens, talk with the larger community so they can address the issue with the person. Throughout all these conversations, the concern should be for reconciliation.

Realize that the person might still refuse to listen to your concerns, even after all this, and if that’s the case, your relationship with them may seem like it’s been wounded beyond healing.

But look - reconciliation matters, in heaven as on earth, and there is tremendous power in forgiveness between people. And when you’re face-to-face with someone with whom you’ve had a disagreement – even when you’re in the thick of trying to work that out – I am there with you.

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This week and next, there is a thread of forgiveness and reconciliation running through our gospel texts. In our church year, we’re more than halfway through what we sometimes call the “Green Season” – the season that includes many teachings by Jesus. These teachings have been put together into this season so that we can learn from Jesus, and – hopefully – grow in our calling to live as his disciples.

Today’s teaching from Matthew 18 could just as well be called “Conflict Management 101,” and it goes against what feels most comfortable for us. After all, when someone has hurt us in some way, the easiest thing in the world is not to go and talk with that person about how much we’re hurting. The easiest thing in the world is to go and talk with someone else about how much we’re hurting, avoiding the topic altogether with the person who has hurt us.

Of course, when we do this, it brings no reconciliation with the person who has wronged us. Often, it has the side effect of entangling someone else into what began as a simple conflict between two people. How many times have you seen this happen, whether in a church or in your family or between friends? What starts out as an issue between two people can turn into a tangled mess of conflicted relationships.

Jesus’ teaching here is also counter-cultural. Our culture encourages indirect communication in our personal conflicts – like when we fill out an anonymous comment card with nothing but complaints. We now also live in a world that goes online to grumble about other people. Yet what Jesus is trying to get us to see is that when we are hurt, direct communication with the one who has caused offense is normally the best course of action.

The heart of this teaching is reconciliation, and Jesus is trying to help us see a pathway through our pain to reconciliation. Yet even as he teaches us, Jesus recognizes an important reality: that sometimes the person who has hurt us will ignore us, even when we are trying to make amends. Sometimes, we are not listened to, and this makes the pain of the broken relationship last even longer because being ignored doesn’t feel good at all.

When I was a little kid – maybe six years old – my mom and I were staying with my grandparents in their RV. I was apparently going through a phase where I would ignore my mother and the other adults in my life. So, there we were, the four of us in this small space, and I chose that time and place to ignore my mom.

So, Mom cooked up a little plan. She asked my grandparents to join her in an evening of ignoring me. I remember they were sitting at the table, the three of them, and I came up to say something, and they ignored me, just like I wasn’t even there. It was awful. And I learned a powerful lesson that evening: ignoring others causes pain.

As I said, Jesus acknowledges that sometimes, in our attempts to be reconciled to someone, they are going to ignore us. But, he says to keep trying. Grab some trusted friends or others in the community – people that you know are trustworthy – and see if they can help you communicate with this person. All attempts at reconciliation might fail – and sometimes letting go of unhealthy relationships is the best way forward - but Jesus here is underscoring the importance of the work that we put into our relationships with others.

With today’s teaching about reconciliation, there are certainly lessons to be learned all around – as the one who has been wronged and also as the one who has hurt someone. When we’ve been hurt ourselves, direct communication with the one who has hurt us is best, if not easiest. Likewise, when we’ve hurt someone else, listening to them – not ignoring them – but listening to them is best, if not easiest.

Now, I moved right past a very important part of Jesus’ teaching. I moved right past the part in verse 15 when Jesus says that sometimes, our attempts at reconciliation actually do work. Sometimes, forgiveness between people is exactly what happens, and when forgiveness occurs, both people benefit. Both people benefit when forgiveness is bound to our relationships, and both people benefit when the hurt of sin is loosed – or let go - from our relationships.

In the very last verse of today’s gospel text, Jesus says, “…where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.” This verse reminds us that Jesus is present with us in all things, even in the sometimes uncomfortable work of being in relationship with others. This verse is commonly used to describe Christian gatherings: And that’s a nice thought, the idea of Jesus gathering with us in our Bible studies or in our service projects like we’ll have after worship here at Our Redeemer today.

But what about in the context that Jesus puts it in here? What about Jesus being with us when we need to have these difficult, uncomfortable conversations with others? In my office, next to my phone, I keep this set of prayer beads for times when I have to make a difficult phone call. The cross reminds me that in every conversation I have with people, whether it’s a challenging conversation or not, Jesus is there, with me.

Can we imagine that? Do we see Jesus in our midst when we are telling someone else, “You know, this thing you did really hurt me…” Do we see Jesus in our midst when we have someone saying those words to us? And, even when we are hurt, can we imagine Jesus giving us the heart and the will to be reconciled with someone?

Right there, even in those difficult moments, is where Jesus promises us he will be. Find comfort in his presence with you. Find strength, if that is what you need. Know that God’s love has found you in God’s forgiveness, and that Jesus abides with you always. Amen.

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